Step Outline
Scene 1 –
The circus just came to a town and everyone is preparing for
the upcoming show this weekend.
Jimmy (the circus cleaner) is cleaning is cleaning the
outside of the mermaid tank. Mary (the mermaid) catches him looking at her and
jimmy begins to blush.
Frank (strong man) come over, picks jimmy up and throws him
into the tank and says “don’t forget about the inside”. As jimmy struggles to
swim out of the tank, Mary helps him. (people laughing in the background).
Scene 2
Jimmy is cleaning the toilet. Frank shuts him in, picks up
the cubical and shakes it. Frank finally puts down the toilet and jimmy comes
out soaked. Everybody laughs (in the background).
Scene 3
The cleaner is mopping to floor. Frank comes in to the
scene, pushes jimmy to the ground and uses him as l mop. Watching all of this happening
from her tank, Mary the mermaid shouts at frank telling him to stop are she
feels sorry from poor little Jimmy.
Scene 4
The next d morning Jimmy walks into the circus with some
flowers that he’s planning to give to Mary. Before he gets to Mary, Frank comes
over, grabs the flowers and stamps on them.
The shock and sadness in Jimmy’s face turns into anger. This
is when he decides to get revenge.
Scene 5
Jimmy starts to plan out his revenge. This scene will be a
montage of him cutting planks of wood, nailing and screwing things etc.
Scene 6
The next morning, frank wakes up and steps out of his
caravan. He sees a piece of paper near his feet. He picks it up and sees at it’s
a map (this map was created by Jimmy to lure him to his doom).
I'm not quite sure what kind of horrible things Jimmy is going to do to frank just yet.
Another idea I've got is to have the strong man end up getting the girl (Mary), and this is what would drive Jimmy to punish them both. Below are my designs for frank, I have coloured my favourite options.
Hi Douy - really nice character design stuff - we know he's a villain straight off, and that's good. In terms of the revenge, my advice is that the revenge needs to have an 'ironic' or 'poetic' sense - i.e. that the nature of the revenge echoes some kind of idea or motif we've seen earlier in the story.
ReplyDeleteSome ideas: if you were to have it that throughout the story, the strongman is always kissing his 'guns' and he's all about his arms and their strength, then removing his arms would make sense as a punishment - he could be turned into the 'human eel' or something horrible like that.
It does seem to me that the strongman would/should ultimately get rid of Mary too - he would be angry with her for showing affection to the cleaner? I do have this idea as to how you might combine the map with this moment in the story too:
So, let's say that at the end of Act 2, the cleaner finds a map pinned to his caravan door - it appears to be from Mary - it's an invite to meet and run away together or whatever; anyway he follows the map and what he finds instead is that Mary has been murdered... That's at the end of Act 2 and it's what triggers the cleaner's act of revenge... it feels too that at the end of your film, it might be that we see a visitor to the fairground with a map/guide to a new attraction, and we follow this person through the fairground, until we arrive at the tank, which the cleaner is cleaning, making it sparkle - and then inside we see...